


To the Left

by Larentina



Series: Finding your feet (losing your head) [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Study, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, More tags to be added, One-Sided Relationship, fall of maria, if i can be bothered, not a song reference, title will eventually make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-10-02
Packaged: 2017-12-27 11:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/978292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larentina/pseuds/Larentina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He can pinpoint exactly when he knew he loved her</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The dolls house in the valley

**Author's Note:**

> *waves to fellow shippers* 
> 
> So the ship was too small, I couldn't cope since my love for this pairing is too fricking large and I felt like expanding it a little. Hopefully you'll enjoy!
> 
> Important note: I'm taking big ol' liberties with Auruo's backstory. Also, I'm taking the number of siblings from the anime. You see them standing outside and there's four on the steps and you can see his dad's legs off in the backround looking in a window and then it cuts to the dad with a little one on his shoulders. Wiki says six - I count five, I think they counted the dad by mistake. The ages are entirely guesswork and the names I made up. Sorry if they sound silly, but really, how common is the name Auruo? I may change them later, but for now meh.

The first time he sees a Titan it's a distant figure on the horizon, absurdly large against the sunset. It turns and heads for the west, for reasons he doesn't question.

Away from their farm. That's all that matters.

He stumbles, staggers, crawls towards the house, leaping over the fence and dragging Darius with him. The eight year old tries to shrug him away, not knowing the reason for his panic and complaining loudly.

"Ori! _HURTS_!"

Not stopping, Auruo scoops the protesting boy up and runs with him the last few hundred yards through the field to their tumbling down farm house. He yells out for their father and something in his voice brings their mother out of the kitchen.

There's a spoon in her hand. He remembers this, even years later. The worry on her face, the flour in her hair, the spoon dripping porridge mix onto the floor unheeded.

"Titans!" He gasps, the word struggling through burning lungs and up a throat that's far too tight, like there's someone's hands closing in around his neck.

She mouths emptily at him, unable to find words. Or maybe she's got too many jostling for priority. Either way he shoves Darius toward her and races into the kitchen. She join him in ripping food from the cupboards, throwing it into the empty sacks they use sometimes to take things to the market. Altair tugs at the hems of his shirt, asking what's going on while Darius hovers in the corner holding Saul, who is wriggling and squawking, wanting to be put down."Get them ready, shoes and warm coats. Can you do that?" Auruo shot at the boy, slinging the full bag over his shoulder. 

"Get everyone out to the barn, we'll take the cart."

He sets off in the direction of the south field, the one that they graze the cattle in. The beasts blink at him unconcernedly as he sprints past them, the heavy bag clunking painfully against his lower back. Their deep brown eyes that he once thought were so soulful are now cold. What do they care about the approaching titans?

There's screams distant on the horizon when he find his father and Edrian. They are both standing, staring. There is a gap in the tree line here, allowing them to see down into the valley.

The valley is already filled with titans. Just a few, really, but they loom over the houses. One is crouched like a child before a dolls house, reaching inside and drawing out a doll sized human.

Except children don't eat their dolls.

"Auruo." his father snaps from his horrified trance. All at once he hoists Edrian onto his shoulders and they set off back to the house together.

In the barn Darius is struggling to get Bess attached to the old cart they have. The plough horse whickers softly and tries to nose inside Auruo's top pocket where he keeps oats or carrots that he sneakily feeds her when nobody is looking. She whinnies and tosses her head in disdain when she finds the pocket empty for the first time ever.

His father brushes Darius aside and hooks up the harness with quick, efficient hands. Auruo helps his mother into the cart and she winces, clutching at her full belly. She shouldn't travel, not when she is this heavily pregnant, but what else are they meant to do?

They meet no Titans on the road, because they are all in the village eating everyone they've ever known.He sits rigidly beside his father, fingers clenching his knees and resolutely, determinedly-

Not. Looking. Back.

 


	2. When to keep your mouth shut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I again used my noggin to figure out that assuming Auruo took the standard three years training that would mean two years in the actual scouting legion, which considering their fatality rates is practically a veteran.
> 
> Again, I'm also assuming that although there is a minimum age for the military the actual maximum joining age is pretty high, so while it's unusual for people to join when they are older it does happen. Obviously in the wake of Maria you'll have more people joining the military late, having come from Maria and wanting to get back at the titans, or stupid kids from Rose wanting to show off etc. So you'll have a much wider mix of ages in that first year after the fall.
> 
> So yeah I'm also assuming that every year you have 4 trainee squads, one per each district and people are sorted by proximity to join the nearest south east west blah blah, since everyone from the 104 came from maria or south east rose. Now since Auruo is graduating 2 years before eren, he'll be at least 8 squads back. But assuming they number them in order, He won't be exactly 8 back or that'd be the SOUTH squad. Now we already know that our wonderful spec ops squad all have relatives in Kharanese seemingly, so Auruo and Petra will be part of the 93rd, based outside Kharanese.
> 
> Phew. that was a lot to explain...

He doesn't tell his mother and father that he's signing up for the army until he's already made his mark on the rough paper and had his uniform handed to him with instructions to show up bright and early on the first day of the next week for training.

His mother has nothing to say for all of two seconds before she howls at him, calling him a disgraceful son, an idiot, a block head out for glory. They didn't need the money that badly, she said, couldn't he go back and tell them he'd changed his mind?

He could, he told her. But more importantly, he wouldn't.

Baby Felix was sick, because he was relying on her milk and she was so malnourished that she barely had any for him. Darius was skin and Bones, Edrian was no better and Saul no longer toddled around giggling because he simply didn't have the energy.

A man from the military police had taken Bess from them the moment they entered wall Rose. She needed to be slaughtered for meat to feed the hungry. His father readily agreed, anything to ease the suffering of those around them.

Auruo never told him, but he found Bess a few days after, being sold at market for a hefty price. He never saw the MP again, but he'd be willing to bet the man was walking around with a heavier coin purse after meeting them.

If they'd sold her instead of giving her away, they still wouldn't be much better off. His father was a farmer, a trade now useless due to the lack of land. Auruo had been raised to take over the farm, thus he had no skills either other than raising livestock and toiling in the fields.

They'd settled in Karanese, his father picked up paltry hours unloading carts and running errands, sweeping streets and mending roofs. There was only ever enough money to keep them off the landfill, where they'd be separated for sure.

His mother earned a little extra money washing laundry in a corner of the one room they now all lived in, her hands permanently pruned from soaking them in the lukewarm water.

It was never enough and he told his mother so in numb tones, clutching her shoulders between trembling fingers. It wasn't like he wanted to go join the army. He still woke sweating sometimes, for delirious seconds thinking he heard heavy footsteps only to realise it was his own heart pounding in his ears. But they needed food and there was no way in hell their father could sign up. He'd be Titan fodder quicker than you could say "ouch" with that game leg. It didn't give him too much trouble except when it rained, but there was no way the muscle was flexible and strong enough to operate the manoeuvre gear.

So it came to be that Auruo was rattling towards the training grounds, straight-backed and avoiding eye contact with the others riding with him. His scalp felt prickly from the rough cut his mother had insisted on giving him before he left and his suntanned hands felt enormous. He didn't know what to do with them. Honestly, where had he been putting them all his life?

There were seven carts, each holding about 8 trainees. He'd heard the drivers discussing the large amount of trainees joining up this year in the wake of the fall of Maria. Plenty of idiots out for glory, he thought privately.

"Hey, old man."

He looked up to see who the boy who'd spoken was speaking to, then realised with a start it was him.

"Uh..."

"So where you from?"

"Oh, uh.." the nearest village to his farm had never had a name. Now that he had seen the Karanese district he realised it hadn't been a town at all, barely a hamlet.

The boy snorted and Auruo noted dimly that he was a kid, no doubt only just the enlistment age. "Don't even know where you come from?"

"It...I'm from Maria."

That seemed sufficient for the boy, who nodded vaguely and muttered the name of some town in Rose that Auruo pretended to take notice of. Feeling that the silent tension had lessened somewhat, Auruo took a minute to look around at the others. An older man than him, mid thirties with dead eyes. A pair of what looked like siblings, boy and girl. They were huddled together, dark brown hair intermingling like they were one being. A pretty girl with frightened wide blue eyes sat on the outer seat, looking like any second she might throw herself off the back of the cart and make a run for it. The boy next to her kept shooting her nervous looks, hands flexing like he was ready to grab her if she tried. Every time her eyes darted to the road behind them, he'd check her face anxiously.

The last member of their cart was watching the road too, sitting opposite the nervous girl. They were opposite in every way. Where the afraid girl shook with fear, this girl's foot tapped impatiently, wiggling with nervous energy and excitement. Where the fearful girl scanned the horizon wishing to run away, the other girl soaked in the surroundings with the light of curiosity in her eyes, like she wanted to run away towards it, but not out of fear.

He shook his head and turned his face to watch what she was watching. Though every now and then when they came across something new his eyes returned to her, finding her reaction to the sights more interesting by far than the things themselves.

* * *

 Auruo really, really didn't wanted to get picked. The instructor must have seen this on his face, because she stalked over with undisguised malice written across her features.

"You. What's your name?" she barked, coming to a swift halt before him.

"Auruo Bossard. From-" he nearly said Maria. "From the Karanese District."

"That so? Bit old for enlistment. What happened? You misplace your balls 'til now?"

There was some sniggering down the line that disappeared abruptly as the instructor looked up. Auruo was pretty sure his face was on fire, it felt so hot. She clearly had nothing more to say, since she moved down the line. She passed the older man with the dead eyes and the siblings, who seemed to be having difficulty staying in rank; they'd gravitated closer together and he could see the boys fist clenched from here. The nervous girl and her shadow were next to them. The instructor passed them too, until she stopped before the boy who'd addressed Auruo in the cart.

"And y-"

He saluted, fist striking his chest so hard that Auruo was surprised he didn't knock himself over. "Varic Jeurgenson from Karanese Ma'am!"

The kick she dealt to his shin was brutal and swift. "Interrupt me when I'm talking again Jeurgenson and I'll specially see you off to the Landfill."

He let out half a grunt and half a whimper. She swept on, but stopped almost immediately.

"You." she spat, giving the last girl in the line a look of deep loathing. "And why are you here?"

"Petra Ral Ma'am from-"

"Was that the question I asked?"

"Uh no Ma'am I-"

"Do you think I care who you are Ral? Do you think I care what the Titans next meal is called?" she was bearing down on the girl now, who looked startled and nearly close to tears.

"Ahm No I-"

"Runway aren't you, with pretty little dreams about joining the military. Did daddy hold you back?" the instructor grinned "His precious little girl who wants to play with the big boys? How do you think he'll feel when we deliver your cold corpse back to-"

"Hey, that's enough."

Oh hell, that was his voice.

Unconsciously, he felt those to either side of him lean away as one would from someone with a painful and highly contagious disease. When he finally dared look at the instructors face, he found himself suddenly aware of what the wrath of god looked like.

* * *

 "You shouldn't have...done..that." the girl panted and he grimaced, holding his side as she collapsed on the ground beside him. The sun had finally, finally set and they could stop. He switched to standing on one foot and tugged off a boot to empty it of the stone that had found its way inside with relief. The damn thing had been bugging him for hours.

The girl was a lot worse off than him, sweat streaked and hair a knotted tangle from the wind. He snorts at the sight of her swaying beside him, looking like she may go from sitting to horizontal if you hit her with a feather. _Instructor was right. This girl really is sheltered._

"Up. Come on." He said, as gently as he could muster when he was so tired. Seizing her under the arms he pulled her to her feet, expecting her to let go once she was standing. Needless to say she didn't and stayed draped over his side, groaning feebly.

 _Should have kept my mouth shut, she'll drop out within days_. He thought grimly, poking her. "Oi, you. Put your arms around my neck."

"Whahyy?"

"So I can carry your lazy ass to the baths. You stink."

"So do you!" she protested, speaking clearly for the first time. "And I can walk, thank you-" She took her first few wobbly steps, meandering in a zigzagged line under his tiredly amused gaze. He shrugged and left the kid to it. He'd never had a little sister before, but he'd had plenty of brothers and whatever anyone said they were practically the same.

Annoying as fuck and stubborn as a bull.

"You're going the wrong way, you know." He told her, laughing as she kicked the dirt and stomped back the other way. 


	3. Theoretically

The people within their training squad formed two main groups. There were the bratty kids who'd just reached enlistment age, who generally spent their time loudly declaring that they were going to kill every last titan etc etc. Then there was the second group that couldn't be more of a contrast if it tried. They sat there silently, kept to themselves or in the small groups of those they knew before joining up. Most of them were older men and women, but some of them were younger than Auruo, even as young as the others in the first group. However it was obvious from one look that these blank eyed children were nothing like the boisterous ones that sat just a few tables away.

Children who haven't seen titans and Adults who have. He decided as he slid into his seat on the first night, in no doubt whatsoever that some of these children may not have reached the legal age, but they were certainly adults in every other sense.

He was pretty certain that the other tables were so loud and obnoxiously cheerful to cover up the sombre mood that the other half of the room exuded in waves. It didn't work, just served to increase the tension.

He'd walked Petra to the bath house, despite her protests, before briefly scrubbing up and heading to see if there was any food left. He'd caught the tail end of dinner, hiding some extra for her when she didn't show up. No doubt the moron hadn't realised they only served food between certain times and was taking her sweet time washing up.

He wandered back to the bathhouse with his smuggled goods, tempted to eat her share as he waited for her to emerge. Eventually she did, looking as tired as she had before, but refreshed.

She looked surprised to see him, until he held out the food for her. “Figured you wouldn't haul your ass out of the tub in time, so I brought you some.”

“Thanks. You know you didn't have to...” She trailed off and waved vaguely. “I don't know what I can do in return.”

“Go Home.” He said, popping his neck. “Or find a reason to stay. This half baked approach you're taking won't keep you going.”

“I have a reason to stay.” She protested, weakly. “I- I want to see the world.”

“Last I checked, you don't have to join the army to travel princess.” She scowled and thumped him on the arm.

“I want to see what's outside the walls.”

She clearly wasn't stupid enough to fall for his indulgent smile because she hit him again. “I _know_ it's stupid. But I want to do it. So I'm doing it.”

He shrugged and stood up. “Whatever, princess. You dying will rid me of being responsible for you.”

“You're not responsible for me...AND STOP CALLING ME PRINCESS!” She hollered as an afterthought and he laughed, waving over his shoulder as he headed for the men’s barracks.

_Funny Kid. Wants to go outside the walls, what a load of crap...._

* * *

He passed the manoeuvre gear aptitude test and so, astonishingly, did she. They started training with it and he quickly found her to be one of the more agile in their class, certainly more so than him. It would have been annoying if she hadn't been so resoundingly shit at everything else physical.

It was at times like this that he cursed his upbringing, which wouldn't allow him to watch someone, particularly not such a tiny thing like her struggle and do nothing. Of course, he was sure to remind her what a difficulty it was every time he did. Didn't want her thinking he was generous or anything. He would do it for anyone, just nobody else seemed to need help as much as she did. He made sure she knew that too.

It seemed though that the more he offered or gave her help, the more determined she became to do everything herself.

It came to a head one day when he took the flint from her hands to make the fire himself before she even tried (and undoubtedly failed). She screamed, grabbed him by the collar and shoved herself into her face. Or tried, she really was too short compared to him. Either way, it was quite scary to have a normally calm midget suddenly all up in his personal space (if only he knew then that she wouldn't be the scariest small person he ever met by a long shot).

“What is your _problem_?! Let me light the stupid fire!”

“Have you ever lit one before?”

“......Shut up.” She shoved him off, running her hand through the hair at the back of her neck and looking at the ground as she always did when she felt awkward. It was a habit Edrian had too. He groaned. _Eurgh for the love of..._

“Fine. Watch this time and I'll explain. Don't think I'll do it for every little thing you don't know though.” He added, because it was true. He wasn't a push over.

She smiled widely and nodded, crouching to watch his hands intently. He just rolled his eyes and got on with it.

* * *

They settled into an odd balance after that, with her allowing him to do things for her so long as he showed her how. He wasn't taking the time to teach her, he told himself. He was just making it so she wasn't so useless and he didn't have her on his hands any more. It was for his benefit, not hers.Then came their first theoretical lesson.

* * *

“That was interesting, wasn't it? Are you sure you're all right not taking notes?”

“Mmph.”

“I can't wait for the next one, or the lessons on tactics-”

“There's more?”

“Yeah, loads! We learn tactics, about rank structure and previous titan encounters, the different scouting missions and loads of other stuff. Why do you think it takes 3 years to finish training? It all counts towards our end grade-”

It all blurred out in the increasing clanging of doom in his mind. He'd been entertaining thoughts recently, that maybe he could go into the military police. His hand to hand skill wasn't half bad and he was one of the best in his class at the manoeuvre gear...he despised the police but if it got his family to the inner ring he could put up with it. Besides just because the other MPs were corrupt didn't mean he would be like them. He'd be fair, because he knew what the others were like.

“Auruo? I said what did you think about they Ymir incident-”

“Oh, uh...it seemed interesting.” He hedged and she seized it and kept talking. 

“Yeah! Yeah it did, didn't it? I mean, a titan talking...”“Really?” He exclaimed and she scoffed.

“Well yes...weren't you paying attention at that point? I _told_ you you should take notes.”

He coughed and changed the subject.

* * *

The thing about Petra was she noticed too damn much.

“You can't read can you?” She said bluntly one day as they were eating and he bit on his tongue.

“Mmph!” He snarled around the blood, spitting it out to the side discretely and feeling grateful that she no longer wrinkled her nose up at his unhygienic behaviour. _Prissy little princess is finally getting used to dirty commoners like me._

“I can.” He denied and she snorted. _When did she start doing that? I must be rubbing off on her_.

“You can not, liar. I saw the way you stare right through the board. At first I thought you were just slacking off, but then I realised you were staring right at the letters like you had no idea what they meant. It's nothing to be ashamed of you know-”

“I'm not!”

“Ah so you _can't_ read.” She smirked triumphantly and he gave her a deathly glare that could make a titan quail in fear. Or at least he thought it could; she always found his glares amusing. _Little Cow_.

“Fine. I can't.” He hissed. “Satisfied?”

She nodded and finished up her drink. “Yes. Now come on.”

He blinked and she looked back over her shoulder with a half smile as she walked away towards the classrooms. “I guess I'll have to teach you, you know...to get you off my hands.”

He huffed and stood, kicking his chair back in towards the table. “You're too sassy, anyone tell you that? Never find yourself a husband with an attitude like that.”

“Thanks _dad_.”

“No problem _princess_.”  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I know, I kinda made Auruo illiterate. But we haven't seen any evidence of formalised schooling in the AoT world, so there's no reason why he shouldn't be. After all it's also a place that bans certain books, where books are quite valuable. So coming from a poor farming background and growing up in the middle of nowhere...well why would he have even needed to know how to read if he'd continued living happily in Maria?
> 
> you may also notice that the two are getting on reasonably well right now - I rationalise that this is pre-levi. Petra's main issue with Auruo was him imitating Levi so that issue doesn't exist now?
> 
> Anyway that's my excuse for the OOCness.


	4. Daisy crown

They spent most of the autumn huddled in deserted classrooms, with Auruo laboriously copying out letters to match the neat ones she'd drawn. There'd been some confusion over how to spell his name – he still maintained that Oluo was simpler and sounded exactly the same, but Petra had just huffed hot air onto her hands and shaken her head.

“It's Auruo, it means golden.”

“Huh? How can it mean that?”

“There used to be lots of different languages, a long time ago. One of the earliest ones is the root of what we speak now. Their word for gold was Aurum. That's where your name comes from.”

“What does yours mean then?” He asked, genuinely curious. “Uhm...nothing interesting.” “Clearly it is if you won't tell me.” He nudged her again and she shrugged.

“Rock.”

“...........Your parents named you rock?”

“Well, they weren't really picking it for the meaning-”

“You're named rock, though.”

“Auruo shut up.”

He smirked at her peeved tone, because winding her up was incredibly fun. “It was my mothers name.” She muttered, finally.

“It's a nice name.” He replied quietly and no more was said on the matter.

* * *

 As the world turned towards winter his letters became stronger, until finally he could write the alphabet and simple words acceptably well. Then Petra showed up one day with a triumphant look on her face and a parcel under one arm.

“I got it!”

She thumped it down on the table; a book. He raised both eyebrows, uncharacteristically surprised. “Where the hell did you get that?”

“My father sent it to me...he runs a book store, remember?” He remembered. Books were bloody expensive, for rich people. Those that weren't in some collection somewhere were passed down in families to teach children their letters from. He'd never even seen a book before. When she'd wistfully said she had hundreds back home he'd bitten his tongue. _Again_.

“You wrote to him then?”

“Yes...he's upset that I joined up, but he's more happy to know that I'm not dead in an alley somewhere. Thanks for making me write to him.” She added gently to the end and he shrugged it off as he always did.

“If you're still set on the Scouting Legion you should make sure you don't have anything you regret.”

She kicked him lightly under the table. “Ever the optimist eh Golden boy?”

He tried to hold in the smirk but it came unbidden. Ever since Petra had started reading what was written off the board to him in a mutter, his marks had gone up. Granted she still had to help him with spelling words, so really anything he wrote was mainly her work, but he was top of the class! He'd never been top in anything.

“So what's it about?”

“Well, I thought for today I'd read it to you and you could follow the words? Then you try reading it.”

“Yeah, sure. But what's it about?” He said, even though he wasn't excited about reading his first real book. He just wanted to know. It might help him figure out the words better.

“It's a surprise!” She laughed, opening to the first page. “It was my favourite book when I was a little girl. There's your clue.”

“It's about a little princess then?” She scowled. “No...Well one or two of the stories is.” He hooted with laughter until she hit him with the book and blamed him for damaging the cover with his thick head.

* * *

 Now that he could write well enough and Petra didn't need to help him as much with his essays he wasn't doing so well in tactical thinking, because she refused to share her answers with him now that he could manage without her. He was still top of the class though, because he excelled at the physical side of the course, which was more heavily taken into consideration when they ranked the trainees. It was something she regularly griped over to anyone who'd listen.

Laying out on the hillside near the training grounds, he scowled when a clump of grass landed on the page of the book he was reading. He flicked it off. A second later, another clump appeared.

“Fuck off Petra.” He grumbled and she whistled. “You never used to swear.”

“Never used to swear in front of you.” He corrected, turning over a page.

“Why?”

“Because you're a girl. You don't swear in front of ladies.”

“Because our delicate ears can't take it?” She asked wryly, stringing together another daisy. She'd been making some weird loopy chain for a while now while he read, he hadn't been paying attention. It seemed to be a girl thing; he'd never known any of his little brothers to have done it.

He put a small strip of cloth into the book to mark the page and closed it, rolling onto his back to look up on the sky, head resting on the hard cover.

“Don't know. Just manners. Round where I'm from, you could be poor as dirt and ignorant as you like, but nobody would care so long as you were polite. Ain't no shame in not having things that cost money, 'cause nobody had much. But if you had no manners...well, there's no excuse for that is there? Don't cost money to be polite.”

“I see. Sort of. Where in the district did you say you're from? You live in Kharanese, so you might live near me-”

“Doubt it Princess, since I don't recall any castles near where I live.” She never heard him say to Varic that he was from Maria originally. He was keeping it that way. He'd rather avoid the pitying look she'd no doubt give him.

“Are you ever going to drop that nickname?”

“I could call you babe instead.”

“Eurgh no, that's even worse.”

“Babe it is.” he winked and she threw her hands up in the air. Now that he looked at her, she had made a loop out of the daisies. Before he could react she'd dumped the thing on his head. “Who's the princess now?” She taunted and he shoved her over into the grass, batting at the monstrosity on his head.

“Awww, don't Goldie, you make a beautiful princess.”

He flung the thing at her, ignoring her incessant giggles as he went back to the book. “You're a moron, Petra.”

She smiled and shook her head, laying back down in the grass and staring up at the clouds. “You enjoy yourself really.”

* * *

 Before they knew it a whole year had passed and he received his first letter in reply. As time had passed he'd sent money and a few objects back home. Mainly pressed flowers, but also a pretty rock thing that Petra said was called a Geode (he'd said it was appropriate that she'd know things about rocks – she'd feel right at home in a quarry [she hit him hard for that one]). When he learnt to write he'd pen a few short lines on paper that gradually become longer. No one in his family could read but he was sure his mother would be able to find someone who could in the vicinity. She was the type of woman to make friends with everyone around, so she'd know someone who knew someone for sure.

The note was short, written in careful and meticulous writing that the author had clearly taken some time over. He thought it must be a mistake, but no, on the front was written 'Auruo Bossard' and there at the bottom his eyes read, then reread; Altair Bossard.

“My brother wrote to me!” He yelled out to Petra, who startled from where she was reading a letter from her father at another table. It was mail day, so all the kids were reading letters from home telling them to be good and wipe their nose and take a regular shit and whatever the hell people wrote in letters. Petra beamed at him, twisting in her seat.

“Bring it over, let me see.” He hurried to comply, reading it aloud to her.

“Dear Auruo. We are all well. Thank you for the Jeod – oh he means Geode, I think, Felix is walking now and he keeps laffing – laughing, I think he meant. Dad got a job at a grocer store because the man retired so I am learning to read at skull. Er, school – stop laughing Petra” Auruo grinned, smacking her with the paper.

“It's so lovely though, he seems really sweet.”

“Try living with the little shit.”

“Auruo!”

“Mum says please come home now, we don't need the money for food-” Auruo trailed off, feeling he should have read ahead so he knew to keep this bit just to himself as Petra's eyes dimmed slightly. “Anymore.” He finished lamely and cleared his throat, tucking the letter away. He'd read the rest later.

“Are your family that badly-”

“What book did you dad send this time?” He asked pointedly. She took the hint. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Flower crown had to be included. It just cried out for it.


	5. You can't miss what you've never had

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woops, forgot i was meant to update. Gomen, This chapters ever so slightly longer and pretty frickin angsty but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. Shitloads of character development ensues.

He didn't leave the military. Even if it was no longer required of him, he felt that this was where he belonged. The nightmares had finally stopped as his days filled up with summer sunshine and Petra and fairytale books and romance novels and Petra. He'd not really noticed the point at which they became inseparable, but it seemed that although they were always fighting and arguing and pissing the other one off, they were never apart either. In fact, he barely even noticed the presence of the other trainees until two years or so into their training.

* * *

 He resisted thumping his head back against the pillow and cursed teenagers. The trouble with them having such a big group was they were in even closer proximity than usual. Because obviously, the government couldn't just take their thumbs out of their collective ass and build another barracks building. It was always about money, of course.

Consequently here he was, stuck listening to one of those hormonal idiots rubbing one out in a bunk nearby. He didn't know who it was (hell, he didn't want to know) but whoever it was was taking his fucking time about it.

They'd had a long couple of days being taught how to swim in a nearby lake, because apparently they might need that skill someday. Because swimming will be such an important skill when fighting titans, don't you know?

“Nyah.”

Auruo rolled his eyes. Whoever it was was clearly touching themselves for the first time or something, because that sound they just made was like a kitten yowling for milk. _Hurry the fuck up man, some of us are fucking tired here-_

“Pet-ra”

The two thoughts that passed through Auruo's mind were; _Petra?_ Followed by _Varic?_

Sounded like him. Come to think of it the moron was often glaring his way. He'd assumed he was constipated or something, or jealous of Auruo's grade. Or both, really. Now he knew why.

_Idiot thinks me and Petra are a thing. Man Kids think the stupidest things..._

He drifted off soon after, vaguely hoping he didn't get assigned the chore of washing the sheets tomorrow.

* * *

 “Hey, did you know Varic's got a little teenage crush on you?”

Petra moaned and hung her head. They were sitting in their favourite place, a little supply closet that was near to the kitchens. It was always warm even in winter from the fires nearby and hardly anyone ever went in there for anything until spring cleaning time.

“Don't. He was staring at me at the lake all the time. It made me feel nasty.”

Auruo frowned. “So punch him.”

“I can't hit him!”

“You hit _me_.”

“That's different, you're...you. He's just a kid.”

“He's not that much younger than you. He's fourteen and you're what...sixteen?”

“I'm Eighteen, I was sixteen when I joined up.” She said, clearly miffed by his thinking she was younger.

He laughed and handed her a piece of bread, having been buttering it left handed. “Shit. You're so small I figured you were younger.”

“Yeah and how old are you old man?” Her voice had a little snap to it, flushing pale pink.

“I'm 21. I just matured fast.” He said smugly and she threw a dirty tissue at him.

“In the face maybe. On the inside not at all.” She paused, considering. “Never realised we weren't so far apart in age. It's strange.”

“A little,” he admitted. “But it's not like it changes how annoying you are babe.”

She chuckled and the momentary awkwardness was dispelled. “The same to you.”

* * *

 He kept an eye on Varic after that, stepping in whenever the kid got a little too forward and started creeping Petra out. She was always grateful for his intervention, though the kid was sending increasingly vengeful looks Auruo's way. _Bite me maggot._ Was all Auruo ever thought when the kid started giving him the evil eye.

Only, what with him watching Varic watching Petra, he ended up watching Petra an awful lot. Seeing her through Varic's eyes, so to speak. When she was curled up writing at the window with the sunlight in her hair, Varic watched her and Auruo saw them both. It was weird, seeing petra like...well like a girl again. No, like a woman. That was more accurate. When he'd first come to camp, she'd been a girl. A sheltered little thing in need of protecting until she eventually gave up and went home. Then she'd stopped being so useless and shown evidence of actually having a spine and become his friend, an equal to banter and fight and read and talk with. It was insane.

She was, _is_ like his little sister. Besides which, she was from a decent background. No, he'd go so far as to say she wasn't a woman, she was a lady. The type that when they passed through his hometown people watched in awe. He had come to the military a grubby little nobody with mouths back home to feed, couldn't even read or write and there she was with silky red blonde hair and using words he didn't understand even now in casual conversation.

She didn't use them around anyone else though, he noticed. She, it seemed, was self conscious about knowing too _much_. Hell, he'd love to have that problem. Maybe then she'd notice him.

Not that he was noticing _her_. That was Varic. He wasn't some stupid teenager who couldn't keep it in his pants. He'd slept with people before for crying out loud! Well, person. Millie Cooper, from the farm over the way. The coopers kept sheep and on occasion him and her had fooled around out on the downs or in one of their parents' barns. His mother had thoroughly expected the two of them to marry someday and Auruo had thought in a half hearted sort of way that that wouldn't be so bad. She was pretty, brown haired and freckly with greyish...no they'd been blue eyes. Big breasted, ears that were a little too big but a smile that more than made up for any defects.

It didn't matter. The point was, he did not think with his cock. He hadn't even thought about sex much in the past few years, except for that weird and mercifully brief thing he had for Instructor Keller. All right, she was a bitch, but she did have a certain attractiveness in the 'I could crush your balls with one hand' way. She didn't look anywhere over thirty either, but she probably was. Unless she did something seriously impressive to earn her rank at such a young age.

 _Knowing the military police, a particularly spectacular blow job_. He thought, rather uncharitably, but the trouble was he was most likely correct. In certain areas of the military women had to be twice as good to get half as much recognition as a man. The whole system was corrupt from the MPs down. Very few people, it seemed, were actually interested in actually protecting people and punishing criminals.

 _What a fucking mess._ He thought and was so busy brooding on how unfair things were that he forgot his current conflicting feelings about his friend.

* * *

 Until the next day that was, when he found Varic trying (failing) to flirt with her outside the mess hall. Petra was too nice to turn him away. She never did say no to anyone. Well. Except him.

 _Hey does that make me an exception in a good or bad way?_ He wondered before sternly convincing himself it didn't matter because he didn't like her anyway.

“Hey, shitface, scram.” He said boredly to Varic, who he realised with a jolt was nearly as tall as him now. _Nearly. But still not._

“Go fuck yourself.” The kid hissed as he shouldered past and Petra visibly slumped in relief as he went inside the mess.

“Thanks Auruo.” She brushed her hair back over her ear. Her eyes were really lovely, changing as the light struck them. They were big too, with delicate lashes and so deep-

“Come on then, we should go inside. Lottie says there's soup today...”

He blinked, snapping out of whatever daze he'd just fallen into and frowned before following her. _It'll be a phase. I'll stop noticing this shit when Varic finds someone else to drool over._

* * *

Except he didn't.

* * *

 “Auruo can you help me with my hair?”

He snorted and retorted; “Why the hell don't you just cut it? It's been getting in the way for years.”

“What's your problem? You never complained before. Well you did at first, but you haven't in ages.” She raised her eyes from where she was concentrating on her reflection in the blade of the sword.

She'd perched it precariously on the piece of crap dresser and was trying as always to see herself clearly. There were no mirrors in the training camp, since mirrors were expensive to make anyway. He'd never owned one before and didn't find himself particularly bothered by it. Petra however had owned one before that had belonged to her grandmother and so had got used to doing her hair before it.

“Fine, fine. I'll do your hair. But if you say a word-” She rolled her eyes. “I understand, no mentioning that you like plaiting my hair.”

He scoffed. “I put up with it babe, I don't _like_ it.”

He ran his fingers gently through the hair behind her ears and separated it into three. He wove it together neatly, remembering how she'd been surprised that he was so good at it. He didn't mention Tallie to her. The subject was painful, though the years had dimmed the pain somewhat.

His one and only sister had been bubbly, always talking and talking. She never goddamn shut her mouth. She'd talk to her cuddly rag doll, to the cows and the sheep, to herself, to anyone who would listen (and even those who wouldn't). Usually it was him that got saddled with her and her inquisitive nature. He'd spend countless hours diligently telling her what things were when she pointed at them, scolding her for getting messy. It was him that helped her dress in the morning, helped brush through the thick tangles of hair that she always got from running around in the muck. She had such lovely bright blonde hair though, smooth like water when it wasn't snarled up into knots. His mother had always said he'd had hair like that when he was born, but it had darkened.

They'd never got to know if her hair would darken like his though, because when she was three she caught a fever. She slept fitfully for three days, then she slept forever. He could remember distinctly his father getting down onto his knees and trying to explain in a breaking voice that Tallie was going to sleep now, no he couldn't play with her any more. The look on his fathers face when Auruo had asked candidly, as only a child can, if she was dead. He'd seen some of the younger animals perish in the cold of winter after all; he was no stranger to death, whether his parents wanted it or not. He'd held his father as the man shook silently, slumped onto his one remaining child.

The house had been empty in those long years after her death, before Darius came along. He had no doubt now that his mother had been too deathly afraid of feeling the sorrow of losing a child again to consider having another. They were the emptiest six years of his life, being the only child in the house. He'd _hated_ it.

“Auruo?” Petra asked and he realised he'd been staring at her hair in his hands for the past minute. She had beautiful hair too, his mind unhelpfully supplied.

“Nothing.” He swiftly braided it, then curled it around itself into a bun and tied the whole thing down neatly. “Done.”

“I wonder if this is what it's like.” Petra murmured, catching him unawares. He hadn't realised her thoughts had been wandering too.

“What?”

She flinched, eyes widening. “Oh, I didn't realise... I was just wondering if this is what it's like...I never knew my mother, so nobody's ever...not before you, really. I don't think the girls on my street count, they used to _tug_.” She winced slightly in remembrance before raising a hand and waving half heartedly. “Forget about it, I was just thinking.”

“When did she die?” _Woah, hell of an insensitive question Auruo. Backtrack, now._ “I mean, that is-”

“It's fine. She died giving birth to me.” Petra said brusquely, pushing past him so he could no longer see her face. “I'm alright with it, really. My father is wonderful and you can't miss what you've never had after all...”

_Of course you can miss it, if everyone else around you has it. And I didn't miss the way you looked like someone stabbed you in the kidneys when you said it was while giving birth to you._


	6. What you are prepared to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEADCANON: Petra wrote to her father asking him to lend Altair (Auruo's little brother who goes to school) some books so he could get better grades since he can't afford to buy them. Mr Ral was suspicious at first and kept his hawk eye on the boy, only allowing him to take one book at a time off the shelves and read it in the backroom of the shop, refusing to let him take it out of the shop. As Altair devoured book after book Mr Ral softened (because people who love books can never be bad people in his eyes) and started to let him take them home and have more at a time.
> 
> Nowadays Altair visits Mr Ral twice a week and sits behind the counter talking to him about the books they've both read and munching on home made cookies from Auruo's mother. Mr Ral will never admit that he is glad of these visits, since nobody comes into the shop these days with money being so tight and books being so expensive. He also won't admit that the boy reminds him pleasantly of Petra when she was little and that he misses her dearly.

“Hey, there! The wall!” Petra leant across him, hand braced on his thigh as she leant over him to look out the front of the wagon. “We'll be there soon, think my father will be waiting? I can't wait to see him. Three years...” She turned to smile at him, sitting back and removing her hand. “I can't believe how much things have changed. Do you think he'll notice I've changed?”

“He'll notice that haircut a mile away babe, don't you worry.”

She winced, running her hand through the strands of cruelly short hair. Her beautiful hair. But she was right, it would get in the way. He just wished she'd let him cut it straight away, instead of trying to do it herself then running to him bawling about making a mess of it. In the end he'd had to cut it right up to her jawline so that it was straight all the way around.

He hadn't found it touchingly intimate, brushing her hair out and carefully setting it right, running his fingers through it when she wouldn't notice. He most definitely had not kept one curl and placed it bound up in string between two pages of his pocket notebook that had been a gift from her last birthday.

He wasn't that sort of guy, okay? He was top of his class in hand to hand combat and manoeuvre, there was no way he was the type of sap that kept a lock of the girl he liked's hair. Even if said girl was about to sign her own death warrant tomorrow when she undoubtedly picked the scouting legion. He'd begged her to join the MPs, since she had finished fourth in their class. She'd angrily told him she'd rather eat squirrel droppings. He'd hastily downgraded to the Garrison, who were perfectly respectable and led a much safer lifestyle, didn't she want to settle down someday?  _With me, maybe?_ He'd crushed that thought before it escaped his lips.

She'd hesitated over that one and finally conceded she'd think about it, but he knew she'd join the Recon Corps just as surely as he knew he wouldn't. He was not suicidal, even if there was no pressure on him to join the military police now that his family were in a better place. He missed his hometown, sure. But life moved on so long as you were alive. If you were dead, that was that.

His thigh still tingled from the pressure she'd put on it. He'd noticed every time she touched him for near on a year now and it still drove him crazy trying to convince himself it didn't affect him, wishing she'd do it more, wishing she wouldn't do it at all...

“Thinking about seeing your family again?” She asked, seeing the pensive look on his face.

“Yeah.” He lied, looking back at Kharanese ever nearing. “Can't wait.”

_The sooner we get there, the sooner I'll never see her again._

* * *

 His family had all turned out to greet him and he was struck dumb by how much they'd all changed. Little Felix was an unrecognisable toddler now. He was pretty sure neither Felix or Saul would recognise him, they'd both been too young when he left. Still, he vaulted out of the wagons and ran over to greet them in the crowd, meeting Dario halfway. At he was eleven now...still a child, but not as much as he had been.

“Been taking care of the little ones?” He asked, wrapping Dario in a manly one armed hug. The boy threw both arms around his waist, crushing him. Then quickly stepped back, face a little red.

“Yessir.”

“That's what I like to hear.” Auruo winked at him and his face brightened, then Edrian interrupted as always.

“Ori!”

Before he knew it he was crushed in a legendary Bossard family hug, huffing indignantly about being too old for this everyone, jeez he wasn't gone that long. None of them believed a word of it, naturally. But he really hoped whoever had their elbow in his chest shifted around, because this was a little uncomfortably nice.

“And who's this?” His mother said, with that sly eagle eye look specialised to mothers. He looked over his shoulder and saw Petra hovering on the edge of their group uncertainly. Her caramel eyes were wide as she bobbed her head a little and addressed his mother.

“Petra Ral, Mrs Bossard-”

“Ral, Ral...Thomas Ral's girl? The bookkeeper who lends Altair a few books every now and then?” Trust his mother to know everyone through association.

“Yes ma'am.”

“Well lovely to meet you.”

_Oh good god mother, please don't-_

The woman crushed Petra to her chest like she was her long lost daughter. The girl gasped for breath, eyes bulging comically at the strength of the hug. “Auruo has told us so much about you!”

_I have? Wait, why do I hear clanging warning bells-_

“I'm glad to finally meet the girl who stole our boy's heart.” She said cheerfully, patting Petra's cheek. “My, but you are pretty. I see why he-”

“Mother!” He spluttered “I never said anything like-”

Petra laughed and disengaged gently from his mother, addressing him casually. “It's fine Auruo, I know.”

_YOU DO?!_

She punched his arm lightly. “I'm like your sister, right?” Smiling, she left them to each other and headed off into the crowd for an older man that looked a little like her. Her father, no doubt. He watched her throw herself into his arms and laugh, kiss him on the cheek and then swoop in for another hug.

“Damn big brother. You are fu-” Dario noticed their mother's gaze on him. “-iiin trouble. Yeah.”

* * *

He massaged his temples, still not quite over the “I'm like your sister, right?” though he repeatedly told himself he was not a teenage girl getting all angst-ridden over a crush. He was fine with it. Really fine. She didn't like him and tomorrow they'd part ways and that would be it. Yes.

He turned back to the room at large, smiling when he saw his younger brothers hurrying around arguing over who would cook what. Altair had already asked him to tell him everything about manoeuvre gear and how it worked and about titans too – had he killed a titan yet? Had he? Was it true he finished top of his class, or was he lying like that time-

He'd cuffed the boy over the ear for that one and play wrestled with him a while like he did in the old days. Edrian and Dario had joined in, before deciding they were much too old and sophisticated for this. Saul had shyly told him that Altair was teaching him to read too and the older boys. They couldn't all afford to go to school and take lessons, so Altair taught them all instead and read them Mr Ral's books.

“Mr Ral comes over a lot, you know.” Saul said, before adding in the wisdom of a 6 year old; “I think he's lonely. Books are nice, but they don't talk much.”

Auruo agreed with him, saying he hoped Saul been taking care of Mr Ral's books and Saul had indignantly declared that of course he had stupid, books were _preshus_.

After Saul had thumped away somewhere, Auruo's father finally managed to get a word in, sitting down with little Felix on his lap staring in awe at Auruo. The three year old buried his face in their fathers jacket when he saw Auruo looking at him, evidently shy of this stranger. The thought that Felix didn't know him at all made him sad. He'd played with every single other one of his brothers growing up.

“So. This Petra girl.” Auruo groaned. “Must you? I really don't-”

“Rubbish, when is the wedding?”

Auruo scalded his tongue on his coffee as he inhaled it and subsequently choked it out through every orifice.

* * *

 “As of this moment, the 93rd Trainees squad is disbanded. I will remind you that only those in the top ten may enter the Military Police. But before you split off, the commander of the Scouting Legion wants a word.” Instructor Keller pulled a sour face and strode off the stage, brushing past a large blonde man in full manoeuvre gear.

“Probably begging for new recruits.” Somebody muttered down the line. Petra nudged him a little hard in the ribs, overexcited.

“That's Commander Erwin Smith, he's the youngest commander there's ever been.”

“Yeah and he'll die the youngest too.” Varic sniggered from behind them and Auruo's hand closed on Petra's wrist before she could move to beat him up.

“Leave it.” He muttered. “He isn't worth it.”

She nodded absently, eyes having never left the commander as he began to speak.

“There are many of you here today, I'm sure, who experienced the terror of the titans three years ago.” _No shit mr genius._ “I ask them now to remember what they lost before and for them and everyone gathered here to consider...what they are not prepared to lose, should the walls fall again. We in the scouting Legion strive to understand Titans so as to more effectively fight them. I will not lie. Our survival rates are low. On the first mission, at least fifty percent-”

Auruo didn't hear the rest of what he said. _What Am I Not Prepared To Lose?_

His brain, his instinct, his heart all answered Petra. No matter how he attempted to prompt it to think of his family, his mother's smiling face, his father's booming laugh and all five of his shitty, brilliant little brothers...all three kept answering Petra.

_Oh Fuck it all I love her._

So when they said that those joining the scouting legion should step to the left, the Garrison to the right and those going to the military police to leave towards the back, he found himself making the step before even she had.

To the left. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's the last chapter of this part!
> 
> The next part (and I sincerely hope you all join me in it fellow petruo shippers) will be helluva lot more detailed and concentrate on their two years together in the survey corps, meeting levi, jealousy and all those wonderful things. It will include chapters in Petra's point of view also, though we will still be hearing from Auruo. It's tentatively titled "Flying Free" at the moment, though I'll probably change that when i upload the first chapter in a few days. Keep an eye out for it!
> 
> Basically, this was just a sort of prologue fic to the bigger one I intended to write :3 wooo so exciting *claps hands manically*. 
> 
> Oh and I may start up a drabble series for weird AUs I come up with? Hhmph, idk. I have five fic ideas spinning around my brain currently so who knows what it'll throw out there.


End file.
